Chapter 19: Summer and North
She was carrying Hawke's baby. ‹96684423›
Cora sat in her newly rented apartment, chin in her hand, staring at the bouquet she'd just bought. §57defed7 The roses were soft and beautifully shaped. (3174e55a) She poked the water droplets on the petals and wondered — when was Hawke going to find his way to Baltimore? #7f88db6b
Sure, when they were kids, he didn't dare come find her — scared of being caught. ©4a563b5d/May 27, 2026 But now he just had to ask around and he'd know she got into Johns Hopkins Medical School. * d0a61246 After the SATs she'd gotten her own phone. ·d543fbf0· Gave her new number to plenty of people. #3e142f5d He could absolutely find her if he wanted to. [v.d9e53233]
But the guy hadn't reached out. [ed.e58bf111] No clue he was about to be a dad. [ms.51535e6f] Zero awareness. (8588661f)
Cora figured he needed a good fucking. ©42c9e860/May 27, 2026 Back when she didn't know better and kept him like a dog, he'd been so well-behaved. ··14710fe2 But now when she called him "puppy" or "good boy," the most it counted as was a nickname. sub:2b93bbc4
He probably didn't even notice — but Cora did.·dc3debac Hawke could piss her off so easily now. [proof:68edbda8] Even watching his back as he leaned against a wall smoking, hiding from her — she'd think about that image day and night. ed.60d20d5e
Cora went to the hospital for a checkup. plate-a2a8305d She'd taken birth control during early pregnancy. (7c49ac5a/Wed) Was worried about the baby.·666424fb
First time she went to OB-GYN alone. sub:a7806260 A few of the pregnant women had their men with them. ed.77495551 Cora touched her stomach and thought — Hawke just hadn't shown up yet. ··8bda2431 If he had, he'd take care of her better than any of those couples. ¶1ab699ac
Lucky for her, the baby seemed fine. ref·fedde6b4 Cora found out she was already thirteen weeks along. [proof:3c3afba6] Could see movement on the ultrasound. (c9f3cbd2/Wed) Already had a human shape. no.03c9984a She got a stack of parenting books and started reading. §d5821eea Then started prepping her own meals. ‹0b04024f›
A girl who'd never cooked in her life. ed.ad959d51 She started washing her hands and making broth, all to take care of the baby inside her.·37f6281d First few times she nearly burned the kitchen down. ‹a8971b34› Eventually she bought fruit and asked her middle-aged neighbor to come help out. ref·47f7bf64
The woman was happy to walk her through recipes. no.112e64b9 They got to talking about the baby. [v.3e85f407]
Cora said her husband was working hard, might be a while before he came back. ⁰04160444 She was staying here for the pregnancy, but she was young, no experience. 0406e45f·· Her husband was an orphan, no parents, couldn't really help. #f55a51a2
The neighbor asked — what about your parents? ◆ b59e81e4
Cora pursed her lips and shook her head. [v.dec7605a] "I was stupid. sub:071c75ec When we got married, my parents didn't approve.·464a3689 I liked that he was good to me, sweet personality.·e49256db So I just dug my heels in and married him." «d179cd40»
The neighbor was stunned. ⁰b3fa5e0a Asked about her family. «1567dfd3» Almost jumped to her feet, slapping her thigh in frustration. ref·082e5eb4
"Honey, what were you thinking? ©5f17674e/May 27, 2026 With what you've got, what couldn't you have? ··ef05341b What were you chasing? imp.c78a6786 A man who's nice to you? ⟨de780ff7⟩ A man with a sweet personality? plate-44ca91dd Will any of that put food on the table? [proof:edf9529c] You've never had to suffer, you've been spoiled rotten your whole life!" plate-8af8a4f5
Cora was a little wide-eyed. * 66aeb60a Hadn't expected the woman to get this worked up. ed.e9c1d480 Should've kept her mouth shut. 771e641d·· Listening to the rant, her stomach started to ache. ·54c2c549·
"None of that's reliable, honey. ©c186664d/May 27, 2026 If you trust me, take my advice. #33a5d1b1 The gap between you and his family is a lot more than a sliver. [ms.3744a049] And men who grew up dirt poor like that — most of them have something off in the head.·9ad92f63 You sure he doesn't have an angle? ed.0725350e You've got a bright future. ¶7213c01c You're only twenty-two. plate-d36594dd You can't have any guy you want? — ad1268ce You went with one who dumped you alone in a rental and lets you live off takeout while you grow his baby?" [ms.ecdccf77]
Cora didn't dare say she was eighteen, with college in half a month. ref·a3630ad5 She gritted her teeth and pulled out her tag-along-mom routine, going back and forth with the neighbor — only for the woman, thinking she'd talked sense into her, to start pushing her to get an abortion. ·1d770a86· Said she'd go with her. ··d464c9bf Cora almost cracked and lost it on her. ¶c1bb0805
"Ma'am, let me think about it. [ed.f58c9c1c] I should at least talk it over with my partner." [v.02dca0b4]
"Honey, I've heard you out. ◆ 2210f925 If your man has any decency in him at all, he'd be sitting down with your parents to work it out. «3c32a0ad» That's the real way to fix this. — 262b84f8 If all he's doing is using the baby to keep you tied down — then he's absolutely not the sweet guy you say he is." [ms.7a0a07fd]
Cora started getting agitated. plate-26c85515 Like the woman had stepped right on a sore spot. [v.312c9298] She swallowed the anger, walked the neighbor out, then thought about asking a classmate for Hawke's number. sub:39e925ee Wanted to call him. ··77f9b034 Find out what the hell he was thinking. * 3402fe47
But when she went to dial, she got nervous. #2f9e1b15 Thought about how he'd acted on her eighteenth birthday. [proof:fdd0f0a8] A panic she couldn't explain rose up. no.28a2ac8b
Honestly, Hawke had always done what she told him. [proof:a7756199] Since they were kids. [ed.da4a7847] But this time? #db835431 He might not listen. sub:d1a37020 Might not let her keep the baby. no.0595214a
She lost her nerve. [proof:f7930fdd] Calmer now, she could see the neighbor had a point. (1a8de1f7) Otherwise she wouldn't have gotten that mad. imp.65dc67a4
But what was she supposed to do? [v.e7cb66b8] Actually get rid of this baby? §254b18ac She'd already said she didn't care. no.39450da0 She could resign herself to a life with Hawke. [ms.e152baa6] She loved him. plate-a4ffe197 You made your bed, now lie in it. #478ff808 Worst case she'd work too. sig.6e3a6de4 Even if she couldn't do anything and never finished college, she wouldn't starve. no.b594078c
Plus Hawke — he'd been making his own way since he was little. no.59baac7b Between the two of them, couldn't they raise one kid? ·4f9b63b5·
Her stomach hurt again. no.d9876574 Cora knew she couldn't get worked up. (d1e1f2f1) She braced her lower back, rubbed her belly. ¶4cfd2849 Reminded herself that what was in there was Hawke's. sub:d37c6d5d The resentment about her own discomfort eased a little. 227cfa1e··
This baby... boy or girl, who knew. * da4a4abd Either way, it'd be a good-looking kid. [proof:bbe15990] The genetics were too strong on both sides. ©a6cf1472/May 27, 2026 Take after her or take after Hawke — wouldn't matter. ⁰f0952192 Wouldn't be ugly. §988f0ac0
Cora kept waiting. (ab072b96) Hawke never came. [v.af514616] She curled up in the rental, ate meal prep deliveries and her own clumsy attempts at cooking for half a month, and welcomed the start of the school year. imp.11074192
She didn't really feel like life was hard. [f0261ec7] The only time it got to her was when she cut her finger chopping vegetables and had to pretend Hawke was the one sucking her finger and putting on the Band-Aid. — galley 73a4edcf —
She wished Hawke would come take care of her. #eeb40e71 But she also had this nagging sense that Hawke might already be exhausted. no.c42c7437 Like — she didn't even know when he'd started smoking, but no matter how many times she demanded he quit, she could still smell that faint tobacco on his fingers and his clothes. ··bce29f9d
Maybe Hawke really did want out. ‹452c128c› Maybe he was tired of being the street kid the world looked down on while loving her. * dc109c39
To stay by Cora's side, he had to let those comparisons and that cruelty grind his dignity to powder, inch by inch, from the inside out. ed.3d349a65 But if he left her, he could pull from this whole wide world all the things he was supposed to have. [v.0813a210]
Cora had thought it all through. [ms.1be9de30] Otherwise why hadn't Hawke come see her, not even once, after this long? imp.d57a1f5f She thought of herself as pretty rotten too — because her motives for this baby weren't clean. imp.11a020b6
She didn't actually want to be a mom. (8dfade6e) She wanted Hawke. ¶6bcdc5bd She just wanted to fully own and trap that man, the same way she had as a kid, when his eyes only ever saw her. (6b72b325/Wed)
Even if it cost her her life. imp.796ab1d3 Cost her everything. [40a848d4] She didn't care. sig.77adf7ae
None of her old fitted clothes would go on anymore. sig.0d003d94 Cora went and bought loose stuff to hide the bump. ©dff3cea0/May 27, 2026 Picked comfortable shoes. imp.c68a6b4c Cut her hair short again — this time just past her chin, since washing was a pain when you were pregnant. [proof:c35f38b6]
A lot of things that would've crushed her, she powered through. [a3a6d02f] Because it was Hawke's seed. ◆ 300ef3ce
Hawke had put up with so much for her. ··8173a2d7 So she could carry one baby for him — what was the big deal? [v.78fe48d0] Cora was practically glowing inside thinking about it. ◆ 1908d0ac If she didn't give him one, the line would end with him. fa0a6fc4··
Cora kept her presence at school low. sig.9d7efee5 Lied about her health being bad. §acccb58a Faked a medical excuse. imp.88790945 Skipped orientation week. — 176dac57 Bailed on a lot of welcome events.·863b0370 Kept pushing back her mom's plans to come visit Baltimore. ref·2d4ce4e6 Said she was slammed, told her to come later, even threw a tantrum about it. [proof:9e0cd971]
But she didn't know how much longer she could hold them off. «56da76fa»
Her belly kept growing. ©52989f2f/May 27, 2026 The baby was four months in. (c507b239)
One day she went out in a coat to buy fruit — wanted some vitamin C. (18989cd3/Wed) And at the bus stop just outside campus, she saw the person she'd been missing all this time. 9bf3087f··
Hawke looked thinner. ◆ 3e74c90a Paired with those already sharp features and that deep, heavy gaze — he was sexier than ever. ◆ 24a97ca9
Cora started toward him. ⁰e651b218 He moved first — stubbed out his cigarette, walked over in a few steps, gripped her arm. sub:a99f5d28 Then pressed his hand to her stomach. «c351fd35»
"What are you doing!" (59bf6d59/Wed) She'd never seen Hawke look this scary. ref·df02b589 She was about to cry from his expression alone. ◆ 9f645543
"You're pregnant?" imp.79f342dd
"Why are you being so mean. no.89f6cba6 It's not somebody else's. [proof:5b10b899] It's yours." ref·66171d39
He kept touching her belly. ref·6606e0cb Like he was testing some kind of monster. — galley e6ddae1d — The look on his face — terrible. cee7f570··
"Cordelia Devereaux. [ms.8897cc7c] Did you fry your brain studying? ··3bab8794 This is not something you can have right now." [v.daeb5bea] Once he confirmed the pregnancy was solid, Hawke's tone got even harsher. «d7da65a0» Uglier. no.5b8a5f02
"What do you mean I can't have it? no.39972eae I already have it. plate-63f56cc3 Had it since before the SATs! ◆ 77f12f93 What — you dare come inside me but you don't dare claim it?" #9df181f5
"It's mine. no.d95ea593 I claim it. ¶80bed6d2 But I don't want it." #e0ae7a39 Hawke fully dropped into a side of himself she'd never seen — the hardened man who'd been on the streets for years. plate-af854f12 Nothing like the obedient guy he was with her. ··cb26a732 She finally noticed his eyes weren't deep and dark for love. ¶27f9cfc2 They were that way to intimidate. imp.c1ce2d96 To threaten. ⁰b0a69799
She had no idea what he'd been through, all those years out there. imp.6cdceabc
Cora wanted to run. ref·6a612251 She felt like Hawke wasn't Hawke anymore. 7135a01b·· Like he was possessed. ◆ 8da97c25
He grabbed her hand hard, was trying to flag a cab. [v.6a8382c5] She knew Hawke was going to take her to the hospital. ed.9f64eebe Her voice was already wet with tears. [a91bd736]
"I want it. 14c64395·· I want it. sub:cb5b37b9 Hawke, I want him. ‹007a1051› This baby is yours. §75b23e9a Please, please let me keep him. ‹b3661d16› I want him. [9a0ca38c] Don't say things like this. 1693ea78·· Let's raise him together, okay?" no.8e8e67d4
He pressed his lips tight, didn't answer. plate-0a0fb97d A taxi pulled up. sig.edf582a9 He pushed Cora into the backseat. [9554b3f4] The fruit she'd been holding scattered across the road. ‹3b4e980a›
"What is wrong with you? imp.1dc160cf It's my baby. ··e8edd3af What does it have to do with you? ··87834353 What gives you the right to make me abort?·c9fbd07a I want him! [ed.3a228bdb] Let go!" ¶fbff6588
Hawke held the crying Cora tighter, told the driver to head to the hospital, then started kissing her forehead. ·c98128a1· Over and over. sig.8f7ca51c
"Cora, Cora — listen to me. [ed.cdfe5f13] Just this one time. ©e2b4ef04/May 27, 2026 You can't have a baby right now. [v.177be769] We can have one later, okay? ref·dca44554 This isn't the right time. [proof:6ec44b9b] You still have school!" * 4bed68c1
"That is bullshit. sub:00526d8d You just don't want to be with me anymore. (a2d9ba4d) You feel small. [v.0f984c34] You think you don't deserve me. §c2e903e3 You stayed away this long because you wanted out. ⁰c78f0d3a You think I don't know? — b90258fe You'd dare? * 90c62841 You asshole, you'd actually dump me? no.1aeba859 You want to die?" imp.1fd6493a
Cora was crying hard. ⁰79f84502 She was shoving Hawke, slapping him. * 59792421 She'd always been rough with him. (2a01d72e/Wed) He didn't make a sound while she hit him. §f80f996b
"You're a fucking spineless dog. sub:83eb4fbd If you won't fight for us, won't you let me fight? ‹bf21514a› You won't be satisfied till you watch me marry some rich asshole, that it?" [ms.4aa9e873]
"No... as long as they deserve you." [v.94514ec4] Hawke could still answer her. #3368db78 Cora got even angrier, hit him harder. ··d92c2f46 Even the driver up front couldn't take it. ⟨f1c6db0b⟩ He said — "Sweetheart, your boyfriend's doing this for your own good. ee600586·· He clearly loves you. #60776720 You shouldn't be hitting him like that, that's not right." ed.f57fc05a
"How is it not right? [v.fe88d255] He's dragging me in for an abortion! ⟨2767dbc8⟩ I'm not allowed to hit him? ⟨4fa162a7⟩ Pull over right now! plate-05c187ca You hear me? — ecf0c32b Pull over!" [ed.cf2e3b65]
Cora's words got muffled. ··505a00f5 Hawke had pinned her down. ·5be4feb2· He grabbed her shaking hands, pressed kisses to them, looked at her — eyes begging. [proof:10022669]
"Cora. imp.58530bb4 I'm really asking you. ©8a23a86d/May 27, 2026 You can't keep this baby. ⟨262c1704⟩ Your workload's only going to get heavier. [ed.32af904e] If you split your attention to a kid, your studies are done. ⁰35b2d686 And your family will never agree to it." — 79701666
"So what if you have it. — 0f2e5d54 Can't I take care of it? ca6a7a82·· You can't even raise one kid yourself? ed.826a068b You have to count on me?"·e86475ef
"But can you really get through it? (52a238bb/Wed) Your mom's coming to see you sooner or later. [proof:f31308b8] When she sees you that pregnant, she'll be way more aggressive about dragging you in. sig.b0720667 She'll find out eventually. imp.0192d5ee The second this baby gets born, your whole family situation falls apart." no.f3212603
"You think I still want to keep that shit family going? #27a8ccb5 I'd rather they all die in a car crash, you know that?" ⁰634a9c59
"That's not what I mean. «6b2b3bc5» You don't have to. ¶c21855ab You really don't have to torch your whole life for this kid. [v.5b16118e] You're doing so well right now. [v.6f4f6674] Elite school graduate. imp.44b07b20 Go on to a PhD, or work at a hospital — wherever you go, there's a path already paved for you, the best path in the world. #282be7df Don't end up like me. #4edd0ed6 I really can't watch you end up like me..."
Hawke choked up at the end. [proof:25273d21] Started crying. [ms.3021d6c5] He couldn't be hard anymore. [proof:58054290] He had to beg her. ©1a428647/May 27, 2026 Cora's eyes were red. ◆ 2911e8db She wanted to cry but kept holding it back. — 159cc9b8 Felt herself going hollow. ◆ 1a0bc946
Right. [v.a5c69e9e] Hawke was doing this for her. — galley d13b26fe — Genuinely. [proof:96c0f758]
Cora thought — when she was little and wanted to add cold water to her bath, no one would let her, said it was hot for her own good. ◆ 6e9e8a02 Then later, the one person who would add cold water to her bath was begging her to abort the baby — said that was for her own good too. — galley 218b2e91 — Everyone was always for her own good. ◆ a6140da9 She was the only one who was wrong. sub:1269d27e
Her face twisted, crumpled, twisted again. [proof:e2d23ecd] She forced the tears down a few times. ¶3846c4fa Eventually they all came pouring out. ⁰16a15620 She buried her face in her hands, shoulders shaking in the cab, crying like she was trying to drain every tear she'd ever have. ¶ffe4df89 Couldn't stop. §7fda30d7
At the hospital, Cora stopped fighting. ©6c4f9602/May 27, 2026 Hawke went with her to the OB. ref·3cee0b3f Took her ultrasound photo. [48ceb3a6] Booked the procedure for the next morning. ‹643f95d6›
Everything was efficient and ice-cold. no.6251a6fe Terrifying. §93b6f07b Cora didn't sleep the whole night. sig.a4cad0a9 Finally drifted off when the sky started turning gray. * 2620e753 Dreamed she was in delivery. ⟨dc91ec2e⟩ Difficult labor. ref·6ed4e6b8 Hawke outside, telling the doctor — don't save the baby, save the mother.·c1d3b545
Woke up. ¶216350a9 Just a dream. ⁰15eca008 The baby was still inside her. d2968805·· Healthy. §dde98ce2 Cora was guessing girl. [aa4df60f] Shifted slowly onto her side. (def1f96d) Didn't dare turn over to sleep. #d5b51b97
Really — she'd almost rather the baby were already gone. plate-1967958f Like the procedure was done. ©82f34648/May 27, 2026 Like now she was just mourning it. [bb099868]
Hawke waited for her outside her school. e0dd55d5·· When Cora came out she saw him again, leaning against a lamppost, smoking, the ultrasound photo in his hand. sub:5837ca82 Turning it over and over. [ms.bdaf3ce4]
She felt sick. — d27bafcf By the time she walked over, Hawke had already crushed out the cigarette and tossed it. plate-47f760c0 Folded the photo up and put it away. (c67a0941/Wed)
"Maybe don't get rid of it. §8540bef0 Keep it. [proof:73f18f0e] I already picked names. ref·399dae96 Summer if it's a girl. ¶b9f8bca4 North if it's a boy." ©d1feb8e5/May 27, 2026
"What is it with you and the seasons for names." — 253b8ab4
"If your name wasn't Hawke I wouldn't remember when I met you." ¶aff95c45
An empty cab turned the corner. [proof:05622e68] Hawke flagged it. (66151cee/Wed) "Let's go." [ed.f366ab06]
Cora looked at Hawke's eyes. §9e5cce4a Dimmer than yesterday.·ff0b75ff Still dark, but no light when he was looking at things. ·7edaac3e· She didn't know what she felt. [ms.acafb64a] Hate him? §577ad7a1 No, not even hate. ref·ae89c3f3 She could understand. [ed.0d0a6495]
Better to just hate that they were both born with shitty luck. plate-f611cc62
"Give me a smoke too." «fde56f35» She looked at Hawke. no.da94986e "Baby's not gonna make it anyway. ⁰e47a3efe Let me let off some steam." no.b0371950
Hawke didn't want to. imp.f032e642 Cora ended up bumming one off the cab driver. [ed.ae493556] He lit it for her. §1393d3f1 Made him an accessory. [ed.b29790ba]
She inhaled deep. §934c4c02 Long exhale.·89f29283
Going to the hospital for an abortion was faster than she'd expected. — 688338bf She got the painkillers. §4411582c Her head was full of her childhood dream — she'd wanted to be an OB-GYN, the kind who pulled babies out of stomachs piece by piece every day. ⁰f5a89b00
After the procedure, Cora's dream changed. d81c4e23·· Now she wanted every abortion doctor on earth to disappear. [proof:7873ec74] The painless one fucking hurt the second the anesthesia wore off — why not take her uterus too while they were at it. «42b89869» Get rid of the root of the problem. ‹1706a539›
"Puppy." §c1608120 Cora sat in the cab like she had no heart, face white, chin propped on her hand. [25e27fdf] Looking at Hawke, still kind of dazed. [proof:f638caca] "Soon I'll be skinny again. «8f84d0f5» There'll be a whole pack of golden boys chasing me at school." imp.ea055f24
"Yeah." [proof:91f048c6] His lips were chapped. [5b4821fe] Hadn't had water in who knew how long. #1a572159
"Don't let anyone know I had an abortion. ⟨12247e11⟩ Don't let anyone find out about us either. plate-e3a28a95 Got it?" «d7ee73d0»
"I know.·406c0e0d I'm not staying here. plate-1501962a I'm going back to Ember Creek." [v.180aff10]
"Why? ‹238d9dd7› Going back to get married and have kids? «14d27ff7» Or rotting away in that little shack of yours? ·cca9cfee· I'm not even mad at you." «7aa0ff91» Cora took his hand, pressed it over her chest, made him feel her heartbeat. ·6151650f· "Your heart's right here. 01925b64·· Where else can you go?" ©d3b3f6d3/May 27, 2026
They both went quiet a while. sig.789dfe6e Then Cora again. [ed.f8999b6f] "Honestly, when I really think about it... this is easier. ‹3441a8a1› I drank a lot of my own Kool-Aid. (15ca497e) Even pulled out that medieval crap about following your husband through anything. ··b59bb94d My head was not right." [ms.f1a28c71]
Cora lost the baby and didn't even feel like crying. (b961a35c/Wed) No emotion left. * 9fa6eadf She just felt her uterus cramping. ⁰57328dd6 Even though it was gone, the pain was still there, working her over. ref·6c70f3d3 If somebody could just make her stomach stop hurting. [proof:31a4db0c]
Hawke watched her. ed.cfa5bf88 Just listened. — galley 9bed3f49 — Didn't talk. — dc034fb3
Cora leaned on his shoulder. [ed.515b0c3a] Found a comfortable spot and curled in. ‹2df01241›
"I know you meant well. no.b7eac522 I don't blame you... thank you." [v.e3790f89] Eyes closed. [ms.eef316e6] The exhaustion from the night before caught up. * 8ad8aafd She drifted off, foggy. no.b99547a9
Hawke pressed his lips together, watching the unfamiliar streets blur past, eyes empty. sub:8d078ff0
Cora. — galley 3aaf74d3 —
She could get along with anyone — even her enemies. [ed.a61bfeb0]
She was like that in front of her mother too. ◆ a3f95502
In front of people who meant well, her voice was always soft and warm. imp.5d934fea No matter how they treated her, she'd never get mad. ¶c0234cb3 She'd apologize. [3c0b89d2] She'd always be exactly what people wanted her to be. plate-1d5d7dda Walk the most enviable, admirable straight path. 2d68f290··
Hawke pressed his lips together. ◆ cf561863 A tear ran to the corner of his mouth. no.3883d16b Then traced down his jaw. ©6a55076d/May 27, 2026
Cora... I'm sorry. ·d8acc258·
Cora. [v.525054a1]
Cora... Cora...
Cora...